johnrobe

Tonight we went to see Moon, a fantastic movie I highly recommend to the thinking science fiction fan.

We saw it at the AMC Yonge and Dundas, and because we’re “members” we were each rewarded with a small popcorn.

The popcorn at AMC is a little dangerous, because they put you in control of the “golden topping” dispenser. I finally got my head around the proper dispensing ratios of topping, but my only complaint was that the popcorn didn’t seem to be salty enough. Now sure, I don’t really need more salt in my life, but if you’re having movie theatre popcorn, you want some salt.

That’s when I noticed, as I trickled the topping, that there was a salt shaker next to the popcorn!

And that’s where I made my fatal flaw.

Because the salt shaker was shaped like the stuff that we all like to call “shakey stuff” like nacho cheese or ketchup, I ended up treating it like that - namely piling it on like I was trying to coat each and every kernal like a cheetos puff

Thing is …. you really shouldn’t pile salt on like that.

I tried shaking it off in the theatre. I tried blowing it off (literally). I even tried turning the bag upside down and blocking the top and sort of shaking it like I was panning for gold, no dice.

No, I just ate salty popcorn until my insides were pickled. I don’t feel so good right now, but I have no one to blame except myself (and AMC for their crazy free-running salt shaker).

John Food, Movies

I don’t go around claiming this casually, but I have often mentioned in the past that my cat Ninja eats pineapple. I don’t want to go so far as to say that people don’t believe me, but I would say the general reaction is politeness and nodding of heads. That and a smile that says “I don’t really believe you, but I’m not going to argue with you about your cat.”

So for those people, I offer the video above. You can even to go YouTube and watch it in HD if you like. Then tell your friends. Then go eat some pineapple.

It’s not just that she eats pineapple - it’s how she eats it. Who needs a fork or fingers or thumbs to be civilized?

John Food, Love

It was reinforced to me just now that men and women are different. As Timmi browsed upcoming boxing day deals, I suddenly heard her exclaim with delight — "Oooh! Nice buffet!"

I got very excited, only to sadly discover that she meant the furniture pictured at right.

To me, and I suspect to most guys, "Oooh nice buffet!" only passes the lips upon observing something long, covered with food, and besneezeguarded.

And yes, this entire post was just a cheap excuse to invent a new word. When the Oxford English Dictionary cites first use of the word, we'll all see a little something like this:

Besneezeguard

- verb (used with object), -ed, -ing
- to adorn with a sneeze guard
- Origin: 2008, johnrobe.com

John Food

As we sat next to each other each doing our own thing, the following exchange between Timmi and I occurred:

Timmi: One half of an apple!

I looked over and saw that she had indeed eaten 2 of the quartered apple segments she had recently brought upstairs. After another brief pause, she once again said:

Timmi: One half of an apple!

Not knowing what else to say I said:

John: I love you, my little progress indicator.

Keen observers will note that this response is a good example of both how much I care for Timmi as well as how I view the world through the eyes of a designer / developer.

Timmi: What did you call me?

John: Um… a progress indicator.

Timmi: Why would you call me that?

John: I didn't mean it in a bad way, I just liked how you announced that you were halfway done eating your apple, like a progress indicator.

Timmi: I wasn't announcing I was done with "One half an apple"… I said "Want half an apple?"

As I grow older, my hearing loss apparently makes for good humour as well as good romance.

John Food, Love

My responses to this:

10. love
9. hate
8. love
7. love
6. love
5. meh
4. hate
3. hate
2. hate
1. hate

If "meh" isn't a valid answer, I'll probably have to go with hate … I'm not wild on that creme filling.

John Food

I’m in San Francisco for a week for a conference. Timmi and her exceptional planning skills are still back in Toronto, but she’s been feeding me info on how to keep myself fed ever since I got here.

According to customer reviews, one of the best places nearby to eat was a Vietnamese place called Cordon Bleu, so tonight that was my destination of choice.

First, the name. Cordon Bleu is a wonderful dish made from breaded veal (though often redone as chicken) stuffed with cheese and ham. From France.

This restaurant had no ham, cheese or veal on the menu anywhere, and as mentioned, was Vietnamese, so pretty much no connection at all, other than the fact that Vietnam was a French colony for a while. Still, I’ll allow that.

The menu is very simple, with only about 10 items on it. I wasn’t sure what to get, and not in the usual “it’s my first time at a new place” sort of way, but more in a “what the heck is all this stuff?” way. I don’t mean to imply that the items on the menu were exotic items written in a language I didn’t understand. No, they just didn’t seem to actually match what seemed to be being prepared by the kitchen.

Let’s look at the track record of the dish I ordered, which was entree #1. It contained:

Shish kebab. It was meat, but not on a stick. In fact, it was extremely flat and thin, very un-kebab like. I watched it prepared in front of me, so I know there were no skewers or sticks involved. Meat type? Unidentified. I think it was pork, but they also had “pork chops”, so they aren’t shy about calling pork pork. The mystery remains unsolved.

Rice with meat sauce. It was rice, full points for that. The stuff on it was sauce, but it didn’t have much meat in it (if it had any) and it didn’t really taste like meat. Mystery remains unsolved.

Country salad. This appeared to be cole slaw, sort of. It was shredded cabbage with a light sauce of some sort. Mystery mostly solved.

Imperial roll. This one wasn’t misleading exactly. It was a roll. I just didn’t know what “Imperial” meant. There was no description anywhere on the menu. It was a spring roll basically. I think it had meat. Maybe it had shrimp. There was orange stuff in it. Mystery remains unsolved.

Despite the confusion over what it was, there was one thing that was not in doubt at all … it was AMAZING. Really really tasty, and really cheap ($6.85). So much could be done with a little bit of extra description on the menu, if they care at all. The place was packed and hopping, they probably don’t need any help.

John Food

A while ago, I had a weird incident at a shawarma place where they just couldn’t understand why I didn’t want tomatoes on my sandwich. I had chalked it up to the oddity of the particular person helping me at the time and let it go.

Then today, new restaurant, same order (chicken shawarma), same issue! I asked for everything except tomato, and instead of a “Sure thing sir!” (or even just a nod), I received:

Him: What? Why don’t you want tomatoes boss?
Me: No thanks, I don’t like tomatoes.
Him: Really? You don’t like tomatoes?
Me: Nope. (I wasn’t going to go into the whole “I do like them, but not raw when they’re over a certain size” thing, having learned in the past that it warps people’s brains)
Him: Who doesn’t like tomatoes?? They’re good for you!!
Random woman standing next to me: I’ll have his tomatoes!
Me: She can have my tomatoes.
Him: He needs to eat tomatoes.

Fortunately, at this point he seemed to accept that I didn’t want them and constructed the sandwich without the tomato. He did not give my tomatoes to the woman next to me, much to her disappointment.

John Food, Rants

Every time I see the commercial for the KFC Chicken Bowl, I think, “Good lord, who the hell orders something like that?”

Apparently, if you think thoughts like that often enough, the answer to the question is — YOU are the type of person who orders something like that!

While walking through the Eaton’s Centre at lunch today, I was hungry, and ended up at the south food court. Looking for something small-ish, my eye caught the KFC stand and I remembered the commercial. Surely, this was the time to try it, I thought. I was hungry enough to make something moderately blah taste goo; but I wasn’t starving, so if I threw it out, I wouldn’t pass out from hunger.

For those who haven’t seen the commercial, a KFC chicken bowl is a bowl filled with mashed potatoes, covered in popcorn chicken, gravy, and a 3 cheese blend.

I think your reaction to this dish will pretty much depend on your reaction to the description. If you’re the type of person who likes all those ingredients (I am) and who likes the idea of them all in one big pile in a bowl (I am not) then you can probably extend and go from there. My reaction?

It’s horrible.

That realization was followed closely by another voice in my head, one I usually name “Captain Reason” saying, “What were you thinking anyway? You never liked when your gravy touched your corn as a kid, why would you like it now?”

The KFC Chicken Bowl is something special though, I have to admit. It’s the type of food that fits in a special category.

- It’s made up of all sorts of things I like.
- It doesn’t actually taste BAD per se. It’s the blending together that makes it bad.
- It leaves me with a feeling of general self-loathing and hatred for myself.

Save me from commercials and save me from that part of myself that makes me want to prove my gut instincts right.

John Food

The first of two weird photos I took downstairs at the weird but delicious Ajuker Chicken. This one is a 1-800 number for…. something.

I think I originally took it to submit to the “Quotation Mark Abuse” group on Flickr, but the more I look at it, the more amused and confused I get. Obviously, there’s some useful instruction in Korean at the bottom (or at least I hope it’s useful), but right now all I know as a Canadian round-eye is that it’s a touch touch collect call.

I guess it has something to do with numbers … there sure are a lot of them.

John Food, Photo Snarkiness

I don't normally just link to someone else's content without adding my own stuff on top, but I don't have much to add here other than to say that I say this same thing EVERY TIME I GO TO A RESTAURANT WEBSITE!

John Food, Rants