Tonight we went to see Moon, a fantastic movie I highly recommend to the thinking science fiction fan.
We saw it at the AMC Yonge and Dundas, and because we’re “members” we were each rewarded with a small popcorn.
The popcorn at AMC is a little dangerous, because they put you in control of the “golden topping” dispenser. I finally got my head around the proper dispensing ratios of topping, but my only complaint was that the popcorn didn’t seem to be salty enough. Now sure, I don’t really need more salt in my life, but if you’re having movie theatre popcorn, you want some salt.
That’s when I noticed, as I trickled the topping, that there was a salt shaker next to the popcorn!
And that’s where I made my fatal flaw.
Because the salt shaker was shaped like the stuff that we all like to call “shakey stuff” like nacho cheese or ketchup, I ended up treating it like that - namely piling it on like I was trying to coat each and every kernal like a cheetos puff
Thing is …. you really shouldn’t pile salt on like that.
I tried shaking it off in the theatre. I tried blowing it off (literally). I even tried turning the bag upside down and blocking the top and sort of shaking it like I was panning for gold, no dice.
No, I just ate salty popcorn until my insides were pickled. I don’t feel so good right now, but I have no one to blame except myself (and AMC for their crazy free-running salt shaker).
As I’ve pointed out before, The Onion is ultimately always right, so I am scared about how to think about the new Star Trek movie. I want it to be good …. but not good in a commercial, soda-poppy, generic-action-flick sort of way. I want it to be great, intellectual and slightly … just SLIGHTLY innaccessible to the majoriy. If that makes me a bad person, I hope it’s in a Harcourt Fenton Mudd sort of way.
Eric and I were discussing this movie today, and we both agree on two things:
1) It's a great example of how good Jack Black is when you let him loose, but not completely loose.
2) There's no way they would have let Jack's character off the hook at the end of the movie.
I mean, come on, parents today freak out if their son has more than one spaghetti meal in the same day (at least Mister Van Houten does), are they really going to be okay with a fake teacher taking over their kids' home room class and giving them lessons in music and deception for a semester? No. In real life, the fake Mister Schneebly would have ended up teaching rock music to fellow convicts in the state penitentiary.
That's the real shame of it, because that would have made a great sequel — School of Jailhouse Rock.
There's even a pre-made theme song for Jack to get all Tenacious D on. Alas, why can't I work in Hollywood?
After watching Die Another Day last night, I honestly needed a reminder that movies could be worse than that one, so I turned to a review of the previously mentioned Disaster Movie, and found this video review.
The review itself is funny, unlike the movie apparently, and did indeed reinforce that I could do a lot worse than the worst Pierce Brosnan Bond film. Best line from the review?
“This movie was shot in sh**-o-scope, with a sh**ty script….”
“Don’t you use that word ’script’ with this movie!”
Is there anyone … ANYONE who looks at this trailer:
… and doesn’t think that it’s the worst movie ever made?
All I can think is …. this is what they put together to make people want to go … it’s a highlight reel of the best and funniest moments. Whatever they DIDN’T put in there must have been some sort of anti-humour, perhaps some of the most powerful in the universe.
I have to wonder how many people saw her part in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and nudged their movie date and said, “Hey! It’s Period Blood Girl!” besides me. No matter, there she was, and for the rest of the movie, I was a-tingle wondering what her name in the credits would be.
(Very minor spoiler alert!)
There were a number of interesting possibilities, from “One Night Stand Girl #4″ to “Girl Who Says ‘Hi!’ During Sex”. The final choice was probably the best though - “Gag Me Girl”.
Carla, I am a huge fan, (and not just of your work with humourous names) please keep them coming.
I'm not a "watch the news in the morning" kind of guy, so it's odd the number of times in my life that I have happened to turn on the news on days when something monumental is happening. One of the days was September 11, another was the London subway bombings, and yesterday, it was the day that there was a huge fire at Queen and Portland.
Although it's probably not a neighbourhood I'd like to live in, it's one of my favourite neighbourhoods in Toronto, and seeing it in flames was very depressing.
Although my beloved Ghandi Roti was safe on the north side of the street, several businesses with unique and very valuable stock were completely destroyed. Of these, the one that makes me incredibly sad was Suspect Video.
In a world with a Blockbuster and Rogers Video on every corner, Suspect Video was a glorious, shining exception to the rule. I can't imagine a video store less like Blockbuster - in fact, it may have been the complete opposite. Where Blockbuster had dozens of copies of the latest formulaic romantic comedy, Suspect would have none. Where Blockbuster sold candy and chips next to the checkout, Suspect sold Hellraiser and Jesus figurines.
Almost everything in Suspect's collection was rare and unusual, and this is where the effect of the fire will really be felt, though I don't want to overstate it, since all things considered, Suspect was a video store not a museum. Suspect's collection was rare, weird, and wonderful. I know for sure there were titles in stock that won't be easily replaced, if at all (where do you get a replacement copy of Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires (the movie where every word makes the one next to it better (if only something made the movie better)) anyway?) but it's not even the discs and tapes that are the real loss.
Without meaning to be disrespectful to the staff of Suspect, (in fact, meaning to be complimentary) working there was a slacker video geek's dream job, and it showed in the store. I think it's impossible for someone to be intimately familiar with all the weird movies in Suspect, but if anyone was, it was the staff, and they would attach descriptive personal notes to the movies to help guys like me make our choices. These notes weren't mini-reviews necessarily, and they weren't even always positive. Sometimes there would be more than one note on a movie when members of the Suspect staff couldn't agree on whether a movie was brilliant or trash. Even if the movies can all be restocked and even if the crazy decor could be recreated, those notes are lost to the ashes and the ages, and that's what makes me saddest.
At least there is still the Markham Street location of Suspect, so all is not completely lost.
I'm still sick and MoPo isn't doing it for me this morning, so I'm watching Superbad and looking at IMDIB at the same time. It was there that I discovered that one of the cast members of Superbad, Carla Gallo, is credited as "Period Blood Girl". If you've seen the movie, you definitely know the girl.
That same woman appears in the 40 Year-Old Virgin and is credited as "Toe Sucking Girl". Again, if you've seen the movie, you know the girl.
Sure, she has some normal sounding roles like “Beth”, and she had a starring role as Lizzie Exley in Undeclared, but she started her career off with another great one, "Pantyhose Victim".
Believe me, I'm not making fun. She's more famous and (I hope) more wealthy than I will ever be, so more power to her. Here's hoping she gets a famous starring role someday though, so she doesn't have to introduce herself by saying, "You might remember me as the girl who did the thing to the toe in the 40 Year Old Virgin".
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is on TV right now. I've seen it before, twice (kinda). The first time was an illegal copy from the Internet and I assumed that the poor camera work was why it was so terrible. The second time, I knew the truth, the movie was just awful.
Now it's on again, and I'm watching it, again? Why?? Am I that dumb? Am I that much of a masochist?
I think it's because I WANT it to be good. It's a cool idea. A cool idea defiled and destroyed by whoever the director and writers, whose name I won't even bother looking up, were.
So… Captain Nemo is a Sikh, who has a submarine larger than an aircraft carrier, with crystal chandeliers and 20 foot ceilings, that can drive down the canals of Venice long enough to disgorge his 6 wheeled car, which he then drives around on all the roads of Venice. In 1889.
What am I doing, why am I starting to list the flaws, I'll be here all night. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Don't watch this movie, ever, it snares your mind.
Now, recently my cable lineup changed and I started getting a lot of specialty channels I never got before. Not that I'm complaining, it's nice, but I'm confused.
Let's look at Showcase Action shall we?
The lineup over the next 24 hours includes:
The Mangler (whatever that is, but it sure sounds action oriented)
Cliffhanger (cliff hanging action)
Lethal Weapon 2 (buddy cop action)
Expect to Die (don't know what this is either, but great action name)
Then we have …
Emmanuelle: Intimate Encounters (uh … hot soft core action?)
National Lampoon's European Vacation.
Now … okay, it's not a terrible movie. ("Hey look kids, there's Big Ben, and there's Parliament!") But action?
Sure, there's some German slap dancing. There's some passive aggressive French cooking.
I guess I need to downscale my action expectations a little.