I ride the subway every day.
(At least in the winter).
And every day, sometime between 8:30 and 9:00 I transfer from the Bloor/Danforth line to the Yonge/University/Spadina line at the Bloor/Yonge subway station.
For those who have never taken the subway at this hour, I will give you the general sense of what the southbound platform is like that time of day. There are at least 2000 people waiting for the next train, all standing there in a more or less orderly fashion. When the train comes in, they shuffle around a little bit, queueing up so that there is room for people to get out the doors, while at the same time getting ready to calmly make their way into the train. Most of the time, we won’t all make it onto the next train. Usually, you need to wait for at least one train to fill up before you get to the front.
The doors open, with their trademark chime, and people start filing out. And then the loudspeaker begins.
“PLEASE ALLOW ALL PASSENGERS OFF THE TRAIN BEFORE BOARDING PLEASE!”
“PLEASE ALLOW ALL PASSENGERS OFF THE TRAIN BEFORE BOARDING!”
Now … I don’t like people shouting at me, but I’ll allow this much, because once in a while, you get a yahoo who tries to barge his or her way on board before everyone is off. It doesn’t really hurt anything too much, but it upsets our quiet, orderly, Canadian shuffling.
But then the other shouting begins.
“PLEASE USE ALL AVAILABLE DOORS WHEN BOARDING THE TRAIN!”
“PLEASE USE ALL AVAILABLE DOORS WHEN BOARDING!”
“USE ALL AVAILABLE DOORS! ALL AVAILABLE DOORS PLEASE!”
I know you think I’m repeating for emphasis here, but I’m not… they shout this non stop until the doors close.
What drives me insane is… THERE ARE NO AVAILABLE DOORS! GAH! After the train closes its doors, there will still be dozens of people standing on the platform, patiently waiting the next train, because the one that just boarded filled up before everyone got on. It’s not like they somehow MISSED the magic set of doors to the fantasy car that wasn’t full.
Who are they shouting this message for? What available doors ARE there? The ones on the other side of the train? Do you want us to run upstairs, across to the northbound platform, downstairs, to dive across the tracks, climb up the outside of the train, pry THOSE doors open and wriggle inside? Are those the frickin’ available doors???
Please, god, someone explain this to me, because I’m getting closer and closer to the snapping point. All I can say is that whoever that guy is doing the announcements, he’s lucky that I have no idea where he actually is.